Tom'sCorner

Short North Gazette publisher Tom Thomson (right)
with the late Maynard E. "Jack" Sensenbrenner, Mayor
of Columbus. His Honor the Mayor once said, "I guess
what I'd like people to say about me later is, "Here was
a guy who saw life and helped lift the level of the age
he lived in. He didn't just eat, burp and go home."

Tom's Corner
To return to our Web-site:
http://www.shortnorth.comTo correspond:
mailto:shtnorth@netwalk.com

(From the April 2003 issue)

Bag O' Bread

Did you ever get hunger pangs gnawing away at your tummy when you were driving around, but you didn't have the time or inclination to pull into a fast food joint? Sometimes, I just don't want the greasy crap most of these places dish out. So what do I do?

I keep a loaf of bread tucked away on the driver's side floorboard, and when I get hungry, I just reach down, open up the bag and pull out a couple of slices. It's always there, and it's economical.

I'll be the first to admit that this is primitive dining, but it's healthy because I always get bread that is nutritious, like stone ground wheat, bran or rye. There's one brand I like that even has nuts in it.

So, I'll tear a piece in half and happily chew on it as I drive along. If I suddenly have to put both hands on the steering wheel, I might end up with a slice of bread dangling out of the side of my mouth for a few moments. Probably not a pretty sight, but as Willy Loman said, it goes with the territory.

Every now and then, when I stop for a light or maybe find myself in a parking lot, I'll see a hungry-looking crow or robin nearby. Then, like St. Francis of Assisi, I toss some slices of bread out the car window. One time I almost hit a lady pedestrian. She was just walking along and &endash; plop &endash; this slice of rye bread I had thrown came sailing through the air and landed at her feet. I'm lucky she didn't call the cops.

Celebrity Sights

B. Hampton's Cathy Capuano was in the Big Apple for the Grammy Awards, and did she ever meet a lot of famous people! Among them:

Ą Queen Latifah

Ą Christian Slater

Ą Ashley and Wyonna Judd

Ą Fred Durst, the Limp Bizkit

And, Cathy has the photos to prove she met every one of them!

Packed Pub

One afternoon last month I went into the Short North Tavern to drop off a few papers and I was amazed to find the place jam-packed with attractive women. Then, I heard a voice cry out, "Hey, Tom!"

It was an old friend, a regular patron of the tavern. He was sitting at the bar, and when I walked over to say hello, he said, "What do you think of this?

I said, "Who are all these people?"

He grinned and answered, Tommy, it's a Lesbian Pub Crawl, and from here they're going to Betty's and Mike's.

When I asked him what he was doing there in the Short North Tavern, he grinned and answered. "Tom, sometimes I think I'm a lesbian in a man's body!"

Love Links

What a wonderful wedding it's going to be! Suzanne Patricia Cotton and Joseph Edwin Theibert will be exchanging vows April 26 in the Griswold ballroom of the downtown YWCA. Rick Berunetto's Orchestra will provide music for the reception that follows. Way to go, Joe!

Quickie Quiz

Okay, here's a little quiz to keep you on your toes. This one's about famous literary works with colors in the titles. I'll give you the author's names, you give me the titles.

1. Alice Walker

2. Anthony Burgess

3. Stendhal

4. Edgar Allen Poe

5. Kathleen Winsor

Dis 'n Data

So long to Mary Elliott who resigned her position as Public Relations Director at the Columbus Art Museum. You did a great job while you were here, Mary, and we will miss you. Enjoy California!

Betty's, 680 N. High Street, is now open for breakfast at 5:30 am, seven days a week. And, get this! Starting in June, the popular restaurant will be open 24 hours a day. Awesome!

Hooray for the new Metropark on the zWhittier Street Peninsula! It's been one of my favorite birding places for years.

Looking forward to the Short North Neighborhood Foundation's Art and Music Festival come Saturday, May 3. The music starts at noon and runs for

12 hours! There will be food and beverage booths featuring Short North restaurant specialty items as well as art and music. Call 262-0801 or check out the CD101 calendar at www.cd101.com for more information.

As usual, the Irish Step-Dancers who gave a performance at Zeno's on St. Patrick's Day were sensa-tional! And, believe me, there was a big crowd on hand to enjoy them!

Find out how you can send a goat to a child-led household in Africa by stop-ping in at Four Winds International, importer of home furnishings, 921 N. High Street.

If you want to have a barrel of fun, stop in Yankee Trader at 463 N. High St. They have more novelties and party-related stuff than anybody in town.

&endash;&endash;&endash;&endash;&endash;&endash;&endash;&endash;&endash;&endash;&endash;&endash;&endash;&endash;

Quiz Answers

(See Questions Above)

1. The Color Purple

2. Clockwork Orange

3. The Red and the Black

4. The Gold Bug

5. Forever Amber

(From the March 2003 issue)

Blond Beer

One day recently I was checking out the incredible variety of beer, ale, and wine at Viking Premium Beverage, located at 237 King Avenue.

All of a sudden, I did a double take. Did I see what I thought I saw?

Dead Guy Ale. I looked again. Yup. That's what it said on the bottle. That's sure a funny name to call a beverage, I thought. I hope it's good!

I started looking at some of the brand names a little more closely.

Oops! What's this?

Wicked Strawberry Blonde Beer?

Wow!

I wonder if you could perch her on your lap?

It seemed my roving eye was now discovering wild and wooly beer and ale appellations on every shelf.

Here's another one: Two Hearted Ale. That ought to go pretty well with that Strawberry Blond hussy.

Oh, no! What's this? Arrogant Bastard! I can't believe it! Who on earth would want to be caught with that in their hand? Well, maybe that dumb blonde.

Here's a bottle of Purple Haze. If I owned a brewery, I don't think I would call my product that. Maybe pink, but purple? Well, there's no accounting for taste.

Surely my eyes are deceiving me! Dirty Dick Beer? "Nuf said on that one. Arrgh!

Here's a funny one. Oatmeal Stout. And all this time I thought oatmeal was a breakfast cereal.

Another funny one: Flying Dog Beer. Have a couple of those and you might bark. Or wag your tail!

Art Park

I've written about this before, but it's worth repeating. A world-class sculpture trail in Goodale Park would make the Short North an international

destination point, and might even put Columbus, Ohio squarely on the map.

The project could be done leisurely, piece-by-piece with civic and corporate funding of all the attendant landscaping, installation of gardens, and contouring of the land.

Another thought! Would it ever be feasible to build a parking garage under Goodale Park?

Bed Head

The bed I sleep on faces to the east. What I mean is it's on an east-west axis. The head of the bed (also my head) is at the west end of this arrangement. (Sometimes these very simple things are hard to explain.) All of this is my inept way of saying that as the world rolls around the sun, my body is in the same axis, and my head is facing toward the east, where thus far, the sun makes its daily appearance.

So, one morning when I had nothing better to think about, I wondered how many people sleep west to east as I do, and how many sleep east to west, north to south, or south to north. And, as we all go whirling around the world together, I wondered if maybe one way was better than the others. More restful? Less gravitational friction? Whatever. Don't lose any sleep over it. I'm not!

Quickie Quiz

Okay, here's a little quiz to keep you on your toes. This one's about famous fictional ships' captains. In other words, name the captain of each of the following scows. For double scores, name the authors. The answers are at the end of this column. Anchors a-weigh!

1. The Pequod

2. The U. S. S. Caine

3. The H. M. S. Bounty

4. The Nautilus

5. The Ghost

Dis 'n Data

Alas! Alack! Brad Sutton's popular DooWac hair salon is closing up shop at King and High and moving to 2573 Indianola Avenue. What's going to happen to all the Ric Borg paintings? Don't ask me! Brad says he's gonna miss the old location, but times, they are a-changin'. One thing will remain the same though. The phone number: 291-4632.

If your pets could talk, they would tell you to get your bones over to Jo Johnson's Posh Pets. They have everything your cat or dog could possibly wish for.

The house on the southeast corner of West Sixth and Forsythe has a beautiful cupola. No, it's more of a minaret. Whatever, it's so groovy!

Randy Tarr's Great Things on High, 689 N. High Street, continues to carry an incredible variety of gifts &endash; including lots of angels, cherubs, and gargoyles.

The crows are back from wherever they went for the winter. And, they're as smart and sassy as ever!

Donna Silverman called recently and shared some old memories of the times she and Emerson Burkhart celebrated their birthdays. Donna is on January 27 and Burkhart's on the 30th. Donna said Emerson would take her out to lunch or dinner to celebrate, places like Benny Kleins, and Doersam's. Those were the good old days!

Quiz Answers

(See Questions Above)

1. Captain Ahab (Herman Melville)

2. Captain Queeg (Herman Wouk)

3. Captain Bligh (Nordhoff / Hall)

4. Captain Nemo (Jules Verne)

5. Wolf Larson (Jack London)

(From the Feb. '03 issue)

Tootsie Trouble

One of my cherished and long-standing habits is running around my apartment in my stocking feet. "Born free!" That's what my toes sing in my honor, until &endash; Yipes! Oh, Lord! Ooooowww!

For the thousandth time I have just rammed one of my poor footsies into a chair or table leg. Oh! It's still hurting. Hopping about on one foot, I wonder if I've broken a toe. Probably not, but even if I did, there's nothing I can do about it. You can't put a splint on a broken toe. All you can do is grunt and groan and wobble around like a ruptured duck. Quack! Quack!

Oh sure, friends and family tell me to wear slippers. Well, let them wear their slippers. For me, I'll go on leading the dangerous life. Like a tiger stalking through a jungle of unexpected dangers, I'll take my chances.

My tootsies aren't as straight as West Point Cadets, but who cares? Like Elsie the lioness, they were born free, and they're eternally thankful. Owww! There I go again.

You know, one of these days they're going to turn on me!

Tasty Treat

A month or so back, I mentioned the terrific southwest chicken sandwiches at the new Cameron Mitchell Bread Company in the North Market. Sorry folks, no more sandwiches at that location. Seems like they didn't give 'em a fair try, huh? Anyway, their bad luck inspired me to make my own.

They're even better than the ones I'm talking about. Open faced &endash; and dee-licious! Here are the ingredients: sliced chicken breast, any wide loaf of bread (shepherd's loaf, for instance), Heinz' horseradish sauce, a dash of salsa, a bit of minced onion, and slices of avocado. All of this topped with Velveeta Mexican cheese. Pop into the toaster oven and prepare to be blessed!

Last Leap

In September 2002, the Gazette published a lovely poem titled "Portrait" by 90-year-old Laura Hank Hilton. In mid-December, my editor and I visited Laura at Lincoln Lodge Retirement Residence with news that we were going to publish another of her poems, "One Last Leap," in our January 2003 issue.

Margaret and I enjoyed our visit with Laura immensely. She was perky as a schoolgirl and regaled us with one interesting story after another.

Laura Hank Hilton was a native of Jackson, Ohio. Her first book of poetry was published when she was twelve years old. Subsequently, her works were widely published, and in high school, she won a prestigious prize in an Atlantic Monthly essay contest.

This past year, she was actively coordinating poetry and writing groups that were well attended, including one at a neighborhood library and another at her retirement residence.

Laura attended Ohio University in Athens, and obtained a B.A. degree in sociology and psychology at Concord College in West Virginia.

She taught at the State Industrial School for Girls in Delaware, Ohio, and later was a member of the Columbus Police Force. Laura returned to her Appalachian roots when she worked at the Women's Federal Prison in West Virginia, which housed such notables as Tokyo Rose and Axis Sally.

You can imagine our disappointment when we discovered that Laura was in critical condition at Mt. Carmel West when last month's paper came out. A few days later, on January 9, she passed away without ever seeing her last published work. It was titled "One Last Leap."

Coloring Kids

Under the direction of Spanish teacher Maria Phillips and art teacher Roxanne Holonitch, fourth graders at St. Joseph Montessori School researched, wrote, designed, and created seven different coloring books for children in Honduras. They are sending them 200 copies, according to Christy Clark, in addition to a hundred boxes of crayons &endash; just in case the local supply is low.

The school was established in 1968 and offers and educational program for children starting at age three and continuing through the eighth grade. SJMS is open to children of all faiths. Pre-school classes are conducted at 1077 N. High Street in the Short North. For information, call 777-7349.

Dis 'n Data

Am I getting old, cranky, unwilling to accept new ideas? I don't think so, even though I hate the new plastic dairy creamer containers with a passion. Give me back the neat little cardboard jobs.

Something's going on at the Thirsty Ear darn near every night, according to personable bartender Amy Ankrum. Especially fun is the Acoustic Open Stage every Wednesday night. And, I just recently discovered that the expression "Thirsty Ear" is in a poem by Emily Dickinson.

Who would ever think somebody would rob an art gallery and sneak away with armloads of paintings? Well, that's what some dumb dolts did at Studio 16, 431 West Third Avenue. Not only that, the thieves made off with a bunch of cold cuts and beverages that were on hand for a grand opening party. Co-owners Doug Fordyce and David Jones advise: If someone knocks on your door with a painting to sell, don't buy it! If you'd like to make a donation to help the guys regroup, you can do it at Betty's, 680 N. High Street.

One night last month our pal Joe Thiebert took a nasty fall on the ice that laid him up for about a month with a broken hip and a lot of wear and tear. I'm happy to say, he's home now and doing real well. Joe has about a million friends and, not only that, he's a Great American! Mend those bones, Joe. Don't forget you're supposed to get married in a couple of months!

Amiable Kenny Thompson of New Castle, England, made his second visit to the USA this winter to visit his son, Darren Thompson, an accomplished restorer of furniture. It didn't take Kenny long to discover that Zeno's isn't all that different from some of the cozy pubs back home. Good luck, Kenny, and come back to visit us again!

We archive darn near everything we print in the Gazette on our Web site. You'll find it at www.shortnorth.com. Don't forget to put a bookmark on it!

(From the Jan. 2003 issue)

Pack Rat

The eternal question: Pack rat or kangaroo with a small pouch? Advice on the subject is profuse. A famous person who should have known said, "Travel light." I forget who said that, Mark Twain or Osama bin Laden?

The problem is that even when you cast a judicious eye on, say, a piece of bric-a-brac, the urge to save it is dominant over the impulse to pitch it.

You know the feeling. We all do. And most of us are guilty of hanging onto useless and worthless stuff that just gathers dust or takes up all kinds of

space in our closets, basements, attics, boudoirs and bathrooms.

One of the most common alibis for this kind of possessive mania goes something like this: "If I keep it long enough, it'll be worth a lot of money. Look at the guys that kept the early editions of Superman Comics! And how about baseball cards? Or, surf around ebay and see all the guys that are cleaning up on this stuff. So will a roll of pennies be worth something if you keep them a thousand years?

The temptation to hang onto darn near every possession you own is especially strong when it comes to old clothing and favorite shoes. I'm sure that most of us have a thing about our seldom-if-ever worn old duds. Take my navy uniform, for instance. You'd have to strap me on the rack before I'd part with it. How about old tuxedoes, bridal gowns, favorite sport coats?

Trying to preserve one's own personal history plays a big role in all this. We never throw away legal records, ancient letters, old greeting cards, paid bills, newspaper clippings, and photographs of long-dead relatives - until our dresser drawers are overflowing - all in a desperate bid to halt the passage of time.

Add to the general melee, broken drugstore glasses, old combs with missing teeth, your kid's toys, keys for unremembered locks, prescriptions from the '70s, broken tools, old cans of paint.

I left books for last. They're a category unto themselves. Books! Books! Books! Tell me about it! They're in every room of my humble abode, overflowing from bookcases. But there is one great redeeming feature about hanging onto your books. (I didn't say your looks, but that's important, too) It's this: If a dog is man's best friend, a book can't be far behind - and they have tales, even though they can't wag them!

Postal Praise

Every once in a while I hear someone knock the U. S. Postal System and I try to set them straight. Here's what I tell them. For a lousy thirty-seven cents I can send a letter from Columbus, Ohio, to Anchorage, Alaska, and have it hand-delivered to the door.

Oh, sure, the system isn't perfect, but what is? Sometimes I get steamed up when my letter carrier is hours late. But, here's my question. I wonder how much a private company would charge to deliver my letter to Alaska? Maybe five dollars? And I'd probably have to be home to receive a letter and not have a little pink slip hanging on my door.

Crow Collapse

Where have all the crows gone? "Long time passing." I have heard or seen precious few of these boisterous critters for three or four months. Normally, they don't migrate, but they do gather together in big roosts at certain times of the year. A big flock of crows is called a murder of crows. But I'll betcha don't know what you call a bunch of crows that stick together. Give up? You call them vel-crows!

Famous Folks

Recently I got to thinking about some of the famous people who hail from Columbus. So I did a little research and here's the list I came up with.

Ą George Bellows, artist Ą Billy Southworth, baseball great Ą Eddie Rickenbacker, World War I ace Ą Elsie Janis, actress Ą Milton Caniff, cartoonist Ą Curtis LeMay, U.S. Air Force Chief of Staff Ą Emerson Burkhart, artist Ą Eileen Heckhart, actress Ą Ted Lewis, entertainer ĄAl G. Fields, minstrel Ą Ruth McKenney, playwright Ą Joel Sayre, writer Ą Jean Peters, actress Ą Warner Baxter, actor Ą Katherine Campbell, only two-time winner of Miss America crown Ą Grant Mitchell, film star Ą Herkie Styles, comic Ą James Thurber, humorist Ą Jon Whitcomb, Illustrator Ą Bob Newhart, humorist Ą Mauri Rose, auto racer Ą Roy Doty, cartoonist Ą Howard Thurston, magician Ą

Many others, no doubt. If you can think of someone, let me know. And, hopefully, there are a few in the making!

Car Care

With winter upon us, here are some tips to keep your jalopy in good running order:

¸ Get a tune-up

¸ Check your anti-freeze

¸ Change your wiper blades, if needed

¸ Make sure your defrosters are working properly

¸ Check your battery

¸ Check your tires

If taking a trip, it's not a bad idea to have a shovel, a de-icer, flares, flash-light, maps, extra gloves, blankets, and maybe a cell-phone aboard!

Dis 'n Data

SNBA Holiday Window Display Winners: Best Overall, Orbit Design. Best Theme: Urban Gardener. Most Entertaining: Torso. Best Holiday: Columbus Eyeworks and, finally, Best Bar/Restaurant: Betty's.

A new name at the old K2U location. More about that later.

Beautiful ambiance and peaceful would be a good beginning in describing the new Zen Cha Tea Salon at 982 North High Street Many kinds of tea, international and domestic, are yours to choose from. Also a daily dessert special.

Roadhouse Annie's opened up again last month, spruced up and good as new.

Cathy Capuano says B. Hampton's will soon have a new menu, probably by the time you read this.

And remember, eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Have a great New Year!

Quickie Quiz

Okay, here's a little quiz to keep you on your toes. This one's about famous fictional ships' captains. In other words, name the captain of each of the following scows. For double scores, name the authors. The answers are on page 12. Anchors a-weigh!

Ą The Pequod.

Ą The U. S. S. Caine.

Ą The H. M. S. Bounty.

Ą The Nautilus.

Ą The Ghost.

(from the Dec. '02 issue)

Dungaree Data

How many pairs of jeans is it normal for one fellow to own? Your guess is as good as mine, but a lady friend who was nosing around in the sanctity of my walk-in closet started counting a stack of newly washed, neatly folded blue jeans. Her eagle eye soon spotted several more pairs of dirty disheveled ones crammed on top of the laundry basket, and then she started counting.

Well, guess how many there were altogether? Clean and dirty. Eight? Ten? Twelve? You're getting close! Actually, there were 17 pairs, but a couple of those were cut-offs, so they should only count half as much. All right, all right, 17 pairs. Now, I ask you, is that an unreasonable number?

Some of them I almost never wear unless I have no other choice. They're the ones that are too baggy or so tight I can't even squeeze into them anymore. You know how it is. Those good folks out there on the Asiatic rim don't have the same system of numbering that we do. Either that or their bodies are made differently.

I mentioned the baggy ones, the sloppy, floppy ones. These are the pants that slither slowly down my backside until I give them another testy tug after which they slowly slither again and again. Well, if there are people out there who like that style, that's their problem. Me? I like the tight fit, streamlined ones (especially on women).

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I have my favorite ones, the ones that don't fall off or cut my circulation, and I wear those most of the time. That's about 11 pairs of jeans. Oops!

I forgot the ones I'm wearing. Make that 12. The others are there for that dreaded morning when my laundry holds 12 pairs of dirty dungarees &endash; and my last pair of underwear. Well, am I a jean jockey? Tell me I'm not. I'm sure the fine folks over at Target would say I'm okay with this.

Holiday Hop

What a happy time the December 7 Holiday Hop holds in store for those attending: Live music on the street corners, performers and vendors on the sidewalks, free photo-ops with Santa (Bring a toy or donate $5).

There will be free carriage rides around Goodale Park from 6:00 to 10:00 pm. Enjoy the beautifully decorated windows of the shops and galleries. And, as always, lots of good art to admire and good food to enjoy. And, wow, don't forget those arches!

Goodale Gala

The annual Friends of Goodale Park Holiday Gala will be held in what may be the largest house in Victorian Village!

Jim Schmelzer and Donna Byrom are hosting the gala in their beautiful home at 839 Neil Avenue. The house includes a theatre room, a game room with a pool table, and a grand piano which will be put to good use by pianist Jeff Hamm. Hors d'oeuvres, dessert, live music, door prizes and Village company are yours for $30 per person. Tickets can be purchased at the door Wednesday, December 11 from 6:00 to 8:30 pm. Everyone is welcome. Proceeds help preserve the beauty of gorgeous Goodale Park as well as finance projects like the recent Shelterhouse renovation. This year effort will be directed toward installation of a new fountain. Call 457-0929.

Art Alert

Columbus College of Art & Design's Annual Holiday Student Art Sale will offer the works of over 100 talented students. Unique paintings, drawings, photography, sculpture, prints, handmade paper, jewelry, and ceramic works should provide plenty of opportunity to make a dent in your holiday gift shopping. There is a $10 admission fee for the first hour (9-10 am) on Saturday, December 14 in the Canzani Center, at Cleveland Avenue and E. Gay Street. The sale ends at 2 pm. Proceeds benefit the CCAD Endowed Student Scholarship Fund. Call 224-9101.

In Grandview, Glass Axis will be holding its annual Holiday Glass Sale featuring work from local artists, demon-strations, and refreshments, beginning on Friday, December 15 from 5-9 pm and December 16 and 17 from 10 am &endash; 6 pm. Glass Axis is located at 1341B Norton Avenue, between 3rd and 5th. Call 228-4011 for more information.

Also remember that over 400 artists from across the nation will show juried work of original fine craft in every imaginable media, traditional and contemporary, at the Columbus Winter-fair held at the Ohio State Fairgrounds Bricker Multi-Purpose Building from Thursday, December 5 thru Sunday, December 8. The show will open every day at 11 am, except Sunday at noon. The Winterfair is brought to you by the Ohio Designer Craftsmen. For information, visit www.ohiocraft.org or call 486-7119.

Museum Mutts

If you don't treat yourself to anything else the rest of the year, at least do yourself this one favor and go see "A Thousand Hounds," at the Columbus Museum of Art.

Liz James wrote all about this sensational show in the November issue of the Gazette. One of the dogs was on our front cover.

This exhibit of many photographs featuring dogs from around the world, from many different eras, by many photographers, is really something to howl about. It's a real tail wager! It's ha-ha funny. It's boo-hoo sad. You'll fall all over yourself laughing and gasping in surprise. You'll bark your approval!

You'll even meet Andy Warhol and James Dean (with their dogs), among lots of other celebrities.

Take your kids, take your grandmother. Even if you're a cat lover, you'll say this show is the cat's meow.

Eyeglass Gift

Image Optical, 846 North High Street, operated by Dr. Todd Clark, will donate one pair of eyeglass frames to The Childhood League Center for every pair sold in their shop in December. The Childhood League was founded in 1945 to serve kids under the age of six with developmental delays and their families. A good pair of glasses for a good cause - that's what I like to see!

Dis 'n Data

Those Southwestern Chicken Panni sandwiches at the Cameron Mitchell Bread Company are really super!

A stretch limo pulled up in front of Jo Johnson's Posh Pets last Gallery Hop and a dozen fancy dogs hopped out! They went into the new digs to see what was what. Of course, they were on leashes!

Monkey's Retreat has retreated further north to 1202 N. High. Artist Chas Krider will be there signing his new book Motel Fetish, published by TASCHEN, December Hop night from 6- 11 pm.

Randy Tarr's Great Things on High continues to carry an incredible variety of gifts &endash; including lots of angels, cherubs, and gargoyles. More Christmas ideas: Yankee Trader is the perfect place to go for stocking stuffers.

Better Earth, located in the North market, has a unique selection of miniature Alaskan masks. Made of caribou skin. The Nunamiut Eskimo artifacts have been handcrafted by Lela Ahgook, one of the master mask makers in her village!

Happy Holidays!

(From the Nov. '02 issue)

Walky-Talky

More and more often I see people walking down the street busily talking to themselves, oblivious to the rest of the world. There seems to be no disparity between the sexes; sometimes it's a man, sometimes a woman. And these poor souls that find themselves so interesting that they can't refrain from talking to themselves come in all ages. The other day at the super-market, a woman was so busy blabbing to herself she almost ran into my cart - and she wasn't on a cell phone either.

Now, I admit to talking to myself once in a while when I'm alone, but it's never more than a word or two. Let's face it, I'm not that interesting - and I already know what I'm going to say. Oh, I'll cuss up a storm and let loose with a few choice words when I crack my knee or elbow on the old jalopy, but that's about the extent of it. What really concerns me: Is all this self-talk symptomatic of some greater malaise? Are these people retreating into themselves so much that they have lost connection with the outside world?

I just thought of another explanation. These hapless people are cell-phone users who have suffered the unthinkable. They have been deprived of their precious little chatterbox. Sob! Maybe they carelessly left it at home. Maybe they didn't pay their phone bill and were mercilessly cut off. Oh, Lord, what a fate!

Well, don't expect a passing smile or cheerful greeting from these busy folks. They've got more important matters in mind - and anyway, they can't see you!

BIV Board

ROY G BIV Director Melody Worsley recently announced the names of new board members: Matt Berry, David Charlowe, Jim Coleman, Jillian Farley, Jami Goldstein, Erica Hardesty, Kojo Kamau, Ric Petry, Judith Politi, Todd Rensi, Ben Rupp, Amy Thompson, Barbara Vogel, and Teresa Weidenbusch.

Space to Share

The office building at 27 Russell Street in the Short North was once a church, and like the charitable inhabitants of old, owner Jay Cheplowitz has decided to open his doors to the needy - in this case, needy artists. What he is proposing is to make portions of the common areas (and possibly vacant offices) in the building available to artists for exhibiting their work during Gallery Hops. He says the idea came to him only recently (as if from the heavens above), so the details are somewhat cloudy, but he would be delighted to discuss the possibilities with interested individuals. Jay can be reached at 464-4000 or by email at jay@Metro-Rentals.com

Spirit of '60s

Folk singer Bill Cohen's sentiment for the '60s has been strummin' strong since the 1980s. For the 17th year, Cohen will present a '60s show to hallmark this turbulent era. The Spirit of the Sixties Candlelit Coffeehouse will include live folksongs of poetic music-masters such as Peter, Paul & Mary, Dylan, Ochs, Mitchell and more. News of major events, memories of civil rights sit-ins, anti-war activists, and space flights will be reported. Trivia questions with prizes, fashion statements, and a display of historical relics will be there. A $10 donation benefits the Mid-Ohio Food Bank. Held Friday November 8 from 7:30 to 10:30 pm in the King Avenue Methodist Church, 299 W. King Avenue & Neil. Free parking, refreshments. Call 263-3851 for more. Send a letter describing your experience at the Cohen concert and we'll try to print it in the Gazette. Love to hear about it!

Evening Event

Over 25 local talented artists and some performers will share their creativity with the public during an evening fundraiser to be held at the Smith Brothers Building, 580 North Fourth Street on Saturday, November 9.

"Beyond the Canvas: An Evening of Art and Song" was a huge success last year, according to Paula Katz of Camp Sunrise. The Second Annual event has been expanded and partial proceeds from sales will once again be used to benefit Camp Sunrise and Project OpenHand, organizations helping those affected by HIV and AIDS. Tickets are $15 in advance or $20 at the door. Call 297-8404 or 298-8334 for more information.

Tasty Snacks

Last month I mentioned how I love refrigerator food! I went on to describe several of my favorite chips and dips. Here are a couple of other items I like.

Ą Small-curd cottage cheese with honey poured over it. For a real burst of energy, cut a banana up on top of the cottage cheese, then pour on the honey.

Ą In a salad bowl, I put in all the usual greens, add some small chunks of Monterey Jack cheese, scatter some chopped date bits around, add some halved seedless grapes a few cucumber slices, if you desire. Chopped nuts are good, too. Then I scoop out a nest in the center of the bowl and dump in a can of rinsed canned beet slices. Over the beets, I pour a little maple syrup. Finally, tomato quarters (canned or fresh) go around the edges. If you want to make a meal of it, slice some tender chicken breast on top of the whole thing!

Ą Or, how about this? Instant oatmeal, sliced bananas, vanilla yogurt on top.

Busy Builders

Joe Armeni recently reminded us that for the first time in 80 years, new construction is taking place east of Summit Street and north of East First Avenue. Projects include condos and single-family homes. The units are being built and developed by The New Victorians, a Short North Developer for over 20 years. Marketing is by Armeni's Company, ReMax City Center, realtors.

Deli Delight

Spinelli's Deli has taken over the former Manhattan Bagel spot over by Big Bear on Neil Avenue. Owners Joe Spinelli and Bill Ward opted out of franchiseland in favor of sweet and innovative independence. The new eatery features Deli-style sandwiches, including "Village Veggie" and "Beefy Buttles Avenue," hearty soup, sweet muffins, and more. They're hanging onto the bagels with all the flavored cream cheese goodies! In support of neighborhood artists, an entire wall will be used to exhibit local works.

Lit Bits

I recently came across an old copy of Dag Hammarskjold's Markings, a book of remarkable insight and inspiration.

The book was published in 1964 after the author's death in a 1961 airplane crash in Northern Rhodesia, while flying there to negotiate a cease-fire between United Nations and Katanga forces. He was Secretary-General of the UN.

Markings is a very beautifully written account of Hammarskjold's spiritual journey through life. He once described the manuscript as a "sort of white book concerning my negotiations with myself and with God." Reading the book is like reaching out and touching the soul of this sensitive and intellectual man.

Here are some excerpts:

Be grateful as your deeds become less and less associated with your name, as your feet ever more lightly tread the earth.

There is a profound casual relation between the height of a man's ambition and the depth of his possible fall.

Acts of violence - Whether on a large or small scale, the bitter paradox: the meaningfulness of death - and the meaninglessness of killing.

Is life so wretched? Isn't it rather your hands which are too small, your vision which is muddied? You are the one who must grow up.

What gives life its value you can find - and lose. But never possess. This holds good above all for "the Truth about Life."

Dis 'n' Data

Construction of the retail cap over I-670 will be completed by the spring of 2004. If developer John "Jack" Lucks, Jr. has his way, the ambitious project will have a Union Station motif. The city's picturesque train station was once located nearby.

Many of you will remember Tina Morgan. The latest news is that this talented artist is happily ensconced in Savannah, Georgia. What a beautiful place for an artist to live!

Jo Johnson has opened Posh Pets at 743 N. High Street (where Leaves of Grass used to be). This place will have your pet poodle or kitty standing on their tails. For more info, call 299-pets, or go to their informative and interesting Web site at: postpets@columbus.rr.com

What used to be Dagwoodz is now Bollo Bar and Pizzeria, according to owners Kevin and Lori Ames. Specialty will be thin-crust pizza, along with lasagna, subs, and other pasta dishes.

For the first time, Frezno's will be serving lunch and dinner on Sundays.

Recently, I sent a copy of the Gazette to J. D. Salinger, author of The Catcher in the Rye. As I mentioned in this column about a year ago, I had read two books about him, one by a former girlfriend, one by his daughter. I didn't have his address (nobody does), so I just mailed it to Cornish, New Hampshire. About a week later, I got it back. Of course. Crazy me. p

(From the October, 2002 issue)

Points of View

I believe it was the ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus who pro-claimed that almost everything in the world has its opposite. Boy, oh boy, was this ol' guy ever right! Hot and cold, up and down, love and hate. You know, all that kind of stuff.

I can extend his theory even further. Take tow trucks and tow truck drivers. With this example, you can love or hate the very same objects or persons - depending upon the circumstances.

If you're car breaks down and you're stranded, no matter where - your drive-way at home or somewhere miles out of town - the sight of an approaching tow truck is like watching Gabriel descending from Heaven.

Halleluiah! What a lovely sight that quaint, unlikely looking vehicle is. And what a prince of a guy the tow truck driver is, salt of the earth! Bless him, and may all his days on earth be happy ones.

Not long ago my car was uncere-moniously towed away (in my absence of a few minutes) to an impounding lot. When I came looking for my faithful ol' jalopy, it was gone. This, my friends, is a bad feeling! I now know full well the sentiment that prevailed in the old West when a man's horse was stolen.

And what of the tow trucks? Those wretched looking abominations should be banned from the streets! The drivers? They are predators, piranhas and pirates. How about scumbags and gangsters for good measure?

Now, I will grant you that there are some occasions when a car deserves to be towed. One case is when a business proprietor has a parking lot solely for the use of his customers, and it's promi-nently posted. Or at parking meters and "no parking zones" where folks ignore the posted warnings. However, it is quite common for folks to misinterpret some of these directions. Witness the frequent letters to the press from irate visitors and citizens alike.

Well, thank goodness I got that off my chest. Hi Ho Silver and away!

Dip Tips

Love refrigerator food! Fast food to feed the face. Dips and chips of various kinds are high on every-body's list of favorite munchies. Here are some of my favorites:

Ą Non-fat cream cheese with a dash of salsa slathered on a Graham cracker.

Ą Peanut butter mixed with honey on a graham cracker. Add a slice of banana and you've got the beginnings of a meal &endash; a dollop of ice cream; you've got a dessert.

Ą When the big avocados are in season, I make guacamole. I mash the avocado, then add salsa and vanilla yogurt.

Ą A perennial favorite is salmon or tuna salad. I make it with finely chopped onion, celery and vanilla yogurt Some-times I add a dash of salsa.

Ą About the Graham crackers. A few years ago, I rediscovered the joy of these crisp, tasty treats. Now I've grown to love them. They're low in sodium and high in nutrients. Delicious and nutritious!

Music and More

The Short North Performing Arts Association, which brings Chamber and Folk music to the Short North, as well as offering music programs for inner city youth, needs your support! The Elevator Brewery & Draught Haus, 161 N. High Street will be hosting the Second Annual SNPA Fundraiser on Sunday, October 27 from 2 to 5:15 pm. Look for an art auction of umbrella art - of all things! The MORE Choir (Musical Opportunities For Every-one), will be singing for your support. Trio Europa, featuring Richard Lopez will also perform. Call 228-0500 for more info.

Annual Arts Award

Roman Johnson and Mimi Chenfeld will be honored with the 2002 Arts Freedom Award given by the South Side Settlement House during a celebration on Saturday, October 19 at 7 pm in the Canzani Center of CCAD.

The career of nationally acclaimed artist Roman Johnson has spanned over 60 years. Four large oils on canvas, including a portrait of his brother, will be available for purchase, and one of his works will be auctioned to benefit the Settlement Endow-ment Fund. In addition, a silent auction of works by Robert Eickholt, Roger Williams, Smoky Brown, John Behling and others will be offered.

Mimi Chenfeld has been a model of inspiration to hundreds of creative people through her poetry, dance, teaching and advocacy and is well-suited to receive this award embracing "the power of the arts

to affect the human condition while promoting the social good."

All proceeds will benefit the Settlement House, supporting their economic and social programs for children, families and neighborhood development. Tickets are $100 for Sponsors, $250 for Patrons. Consideration will be given to others wishing to attend. For more information regarding the awards ceremony and recep-tion, call David Hetzler at 444-9868.

Dining Donations

Project OpenHand invites everyone to DINE OUT for a great cause. Enjoy a meal at participating restaurants on Thursday, October 17 and a portion of the proceeds will be used to meet the nutrition needs of persons living with HIV and AIDS. Some generous neighborhood restaurants that you might be interested in patronizing are Betty's Fine Food & Spirits, 680 N. High; Elevator Brewery and Draught House, 161 N. High; K2U Bar and Grill, 641 N. High, R.J. Snapper's, 700 N, High; Strada World Cuisine (lunch), 106 W. Vine; Tapatio, 491 N. Park; Union Station Video Café, 630 N. High and Wild Oats, 1555 W. Lane.

For a complete list of participating restaurants email pohc@aol.com or visit their web site at www.projectopenhand-columbus.org or call 298-8334.

St. Mark Music

The Illuminati Ensemble of The Columbus Gay Men's Chorus will sing in celebration of National Coming Out Day at St. Mark Lutheran Church during worship on Sunday, October 13 at 10:30 am. St Mark Church, located at 95 West Fifth Avenue, is a "Reconciling in Christ" congregation that is engaged in ministry inclusive of GLBT people. Call Pastor Gene Talley at 299-2514.

Goblin's Garb

How about an authentic Oddfellows robe for a Halloween costume? Or an orange-and-black "No Trespassing" sign for the curmudgeon in you? You'll find these at Antiques and Eccentricities, 190 W. 2nd Avenue. The purple velvet Independent Order of Oddfellows robe comes with certificates of membership dated 1915 and 1916. Yellow cording, a dickey of curious checkerboard colors, floral and fleur-de-lis patterns; it's a cos-tume that will not be duplicated! Look for the illuminated pumpkins in A&E's windows. Or call to order at 294-3159.

Wish List

Here's a wish list of businesses I would like to see located in the Short
North. Jim Hill and I were talking about this recently, and some of the ideas are his.

Ą A good used bookwstore

Ą A Chicago-style deli

Ą A magazine and newspaper store

Ą An old-fashioned hardware store

Ą A business supply store

Ą A traditional Italian restaurant

Ą A Starbuck's coffee shop

Just kidding about that last one, folks. But, seriously, if you have any suggestions, let us know.

Dis 'n' Data

Losing a parent is one of the tough rites of passage most of us go through. Here recently, our columnist Elizabeth Ann James had to say goodbye to her 90-year-old mother, Elizabeth Porter; and Dick Allen, of Zeno's, recently lost his mother, Lucille Allen. She was 89.

Starting at 7 pm on Hop Night this month, John Morgan will be strummin' his guitar at Four Winds, 921 N. High St. Stop in and take a listen, and while you're there, take a gander at the gorgeous furniture and accessories.

Ooops! Scully's beautiful new sign is 30 inches wide, not 30 feet wide as I reported last month.

Welcome to Zen Cha Tea Salon at 982 North High Street, joining two other oriental destinations in the Short North: Lemongrass and haiku.

We're blessed with two wonderful glass galleries in the Short North. The Thomas Riley Gallery, at 642 N. High Street, is like a museum full of incredi-bly beautiful art objects, which could be in your home or office. The Cameo Gallery, at 772 North High Street, is slightly smaller, but has a fantastic display of dazzling glass art to admire.

Speaking of things beautiful, the fish in the saltwater tank at B. Hampton's are out of this world, mysterious. awe-inspiring. Still more - things beautiful, that is, the paintings of Doug Fordyce at Michael Orr Gallery last month.

What a shame Newsworthy, the out-of-town newspaper and periodical store over in Grandview went belly-up. I woulda thought there were enough literati in the Tri-Village area to have kept it alive. Guess not.

Try the Cheese Raviolis at bustlin' Betty's Restaurant. They're made with homemade pesto, artichoke hearts, red onions, and mushrooms. Love 'em!

Author Nancy Zafris lives right here in the Short North area, and she just had a new book published. The title: The Metal Shredders. More later.

My friend Tim Middleditch is on the mend after taking a nasty fall at home. Hang in there fella!

So many great projects in and around the Short North to look forward to: The arches, the end of the construction of I-670, the Cap, the Campus Partners project, Concorde, the Jeffries project, etc., etc.

Until next time, enjoy the fall weather and, if you get the chance, turn over a new leaf.

(From the Sept. '02 issue)

Passing Parade

For the record, here's a list of enterprises in the Short North area that have gone out of business for one reason or another during my watch:

Lost Planet, Lava Java, C. Sneary Gallery, The Living Room, Daglio Tailoring, Poorboy's Antique Furniture, Columbus Business Machine Co., Planet Pet, Simply Suzanne's, Morbitzer's Deli, Transformations, Lanning Gallery, Basso Bean, Waterbeds and Stuff, Mauritz Gallery, Nonni's, Flying Fish, King Ave. Coffeehouse, Artful Gardener, Major Chord, Creative A Tee, Monkey's Uncle, Purple Haza, Hot Stuff Antiques, Short North Floral Co., and Chelsie's.

Modern Object, Ordinary Mysteries, Sakkara, Portraits by Jeni, Vintage Vogue, Putt'n on the Dog, Walter Paul, Inc., Fioriware Pottery, Candle Gallery, Delicacies Bakery, Ritchey's, Bermuda Onion, Maxwell Gallery, C & C Bike Shop, Vivid Woman's Apparel, Ohio Ethnographic Gallery, Six and Eights, Still Waters, Augies, M. J. Originals, Short North Pole, Jewelry Studio, 700 Club, Floral Originals, All the Rage, Patrick's, Workbench, Bicycle Hub, Joy Nesson's, Avant Garde, Import Doctor, Noodles, Moda Véritié, the Blue Cat, Cameron & Hyde, Antony for Men, Gianni for Men, and Costello's.

Victorian Village Deli, Danlyn Galleries, Leaves of Grass, Wallich Gallery, Niccolae Gallery, Short North Natural Foods, Raffensberger Gallery, Kenny's Pawn Shop, 972 Gallery, Aardvark Video, Matreoshk, a Russian

Tea Room, Fergus-Jean Gallery, Spirit Gallery, Artreach, Spangler Cummings Gallery, Hand Motion, Ace Gallery, and Valerian's Bistro au Vin.Augie's Pellington Gallery, Geoffrey Taber Gallery, Figaro, Health and Leisure Mart, First Impressions Printing, Dino Anderson's Dance Studio, UNICEF, Planet Studio, Ambrosia, Pane Bakery, Lollapalooza, Balloons on High, Maxx'd-Out, Jordanica, Roberta Kuhn Gallery, Groove Shack, Abraxas Studios, Sally Windell's, and Katz and Dawgs.

Terrestrial Treasures, Bellissimo Flowers, Bella Gallery, Destiny-Garner Gallery, Le Petite Fleur, Obetz Gallery, Stuart Pimsler Dance Studio, Cardinal Imprints, Benjamin Marcus Gallery, Stoneman Gallery, Silver Shadow Gallery, Treasures From Abroad, Box Lunch, D.J. Prophet's Pub, O'Brien's Deli, Tea 'n Things, Garnish, J. Crandol's Gallery, Reggae Cuisine, Luna Coffee House, Vagabond, Skankland, Windows in Your Mind, Legends Gallery, Ruppert's Gourmet Foods, and Never Ending Bookstore.

A lot of dreams here, all gone a-glimmering. A lot of bubbles burst. The reasons are as diverse as human nature is diverse. Death and sickness have taken their toll. Quitting while ahead figures in the equation. Going on to another opportunity or venue is another. Under- financing and inexperience in marketing have brought quite a few down. And, there might be some questions here for shark landlords that only they can answer.

As you might have noticed, I moan and groan all the time about what a great place downtown used to be. The difference is that all of that was demolished, laid waste for corporate cubicles and parking lots. Because of the revolving door, a lot of great new places keep popping up in the Short North. We just keep chuggin' along, doin' our thing, hopin' for the best!

Scully's Sign

The new sign adorning the front of Skully's is awesome. It took a year to design and build and weighs twenty-five hundred pounds. It projects 12' from the building and is 30' wide. Neon light colors are red, white, and yellow against a blue background. It took a few meetings with the Victorian Village Commission to get all the details worked out for approval. All this inside information comes straight from Skully Webb and his attractive wife, Michele.

Tour Time

The 28th Annual Home and Garden Tour of the Victorian Village Society will be held Sunday, September 15 from 10 am to 6 pm. "City Style" is the tour theme, celebrating the urban neighbor-hood setting. A dozen structures will be open for scrutiny. Glamorous gardens will also be accessible to strolling admirers. Tickets are $10 in advance and $15 on tour day. A Goodale Park festival will be held on Sunday, featuring music and art and ice cream. Two preview events are scheduled for Saturday. Call 228-2912 for tickets and information.

Lit Bits

Donald Culross Peattie surely ranks among America's great nature writers. His most famous book was titled An Almanac for Moderns, but another that I especially valued was Flowering Earth, a veritable treasure trove of wisdom and inspiration.

Interesting enough, the author had a Columbus connection. His brother was Dr. Roderick Peattie, one-time chairman of the Geography Department at OSU, who lived on Perry Street with his family. Dr. Peattie's kids, by the way, were companions and classmates of my brother David at the old University School, which was in the building that still stands at Woodruff and High. Small world, huh?

Flowering Earth is truly a glistening jewel in my pantheon of books. Here are several excerpts:

True that a plant may not think; neither will the profoundest of men ever put forth a flower.

And, how about these thoughts?:

Of our windows on the universe, science is set with the clearest pane; it is not warped or waved to make the images appear to support any dogma; the glass is not rose-tinted, neither is it leaded with a picture that shuts out the sun and, coming between the light of day and you, enforces the credence of the past upon the young present.

One half, the green half, of all this living, gives no tongue save to the walking wind. It is that earthly paradise, that clean temple, where no wrong is ever done.

The Green Kingdom embraces our restless one, is nurse to it and grave to it.

And, lest I be stoned to death, I dare not forget to mention that Mr. Peattie's wife, Louise Redfield Peattie, was an accomplished author herself. One of her fine books is titled American Acres.

Café Corner

Pete and Ria Andronis are off to a good start with their nifty little coffee and pastry shop, Café Corner, located at the southwest corner of West Third and Pennsylvania (across from Zeno's). This friendly new enterprise is attractive inside and out. There's plenty of freshly brewed coffee, pastries, and a variety of crepes that are delicious.

Dis 'n' Data

The arches are going up! &endash; a little different looking than we expected, but not bad. There's still a lot of work to be done, including electrical wiring, install-ling fiber optic cable, and all kinds of other stuff I don't understand. How many arches? Seventeen.

Congratulations to Ellen Grevey, recently named new director of the Ohio Art League.

Pisa Pete's, located at 811 Highland Street, is on the Victorian Village Home and Garden Tour, Sunday, September 15. Owner Dave McLaughlin's Secret Garden will be included on the tour. This quaint little garden is located behind the pizzeria, and it is a gem. Worth traveling across town to see!

Welcome to Sharon O'Brien's Grandview Mercantile, which is now located at 873 N. High. This is a splendid store and a great addition to the Short North.

A 250-unit apartment is going up just southwest of the North Market. What a convenience for the new apartment dwellers. What an opportunity and challenge for the market merchants!

It's confirmed. A branch of the Huntington National Bank will be located where Kenny's Pawn Shop was located. They should be open by the first of the year. Last month, we said the bank was going into the Raffensberger Gallery location. Close, but close only counts in horseshoes!

Heartland Victorian Village recently added a renovated wing to their facilities. Heartland provides intensive rehabilitation services for short- or long-term patients transitioning from hospital to home.

In this great country of technological marvels, wouldn't you think someone could invent a truck motor that doesn't have to be kept running while the truck is parked. Talk about pollution and a waste of energy!

More and more nitwits are running red lights in our city. Not the amber light. The red light! Like lemmings they blindly (and stupidly) slither through the intersections after the light has changed, sometimes two or three at a time. Brainless!

We've said it before, we'll say it again! The Gazette is delivered to every house from downtown to the campus. Also check us out on the Internet. The Gazette Web site archives darn near everything we print. Go to www. shortnorth.com

And, my environmental Web site has all kinds of novel things on it. Try it. It's an adventure! You'll find it at www.netwalk.com/~vireo/boaf.html

Until next time, remember September 11, and keep your powder dry! p

(From the August 2002 issue)

Mister Mayor!

For what seems like an eternity now, High Street in the Short North and many of its tributary side streets have been uprooted and torn apart due to various types of repair and construction.

From day to day, deep ditches and trenches have appeared up and down High Street. At first, for fiber-optic cables, then for the arch anchors. Earth-moving equipment has ploughed and plundered the streets for conduits, sewer repair, ramps, stuff related to I-670 &endash; you name it.

The merchants - the little guys, the shopkeepers and gallery owners have had to bite the bullet. Oftentimes parking has been almost non-existent. No parking means no customers. No customers means no sales. That red stuff you see in the murky waters of construction projects, Mister Mayor, is the spilled blood of Free Enterprise - and red ink!

James Thurber - who once traveled these streets - would have appreciated the beautiful irony of the entire situation. The orange gloves so frequently seen on the parking meters would have reminded him of some strange tropical birds. Macaws, maybe. And the barrels? Well, if poodles were running the world, we wouldn't have all these problems, he would say.

If only we could get some city-funded parking garages up here in the Short North. The fartsy-artsy kind &endash; like down in the Arena District. Ones with shops and café spaces built into them. I'd venture to say that they would pay for

themselves soon enough. Best of all, the city already owns some lots in the area that could be used.

The Short North is a major attraction to tourists and residents alike. It is the gateway to downtown. It's the home of the Convention Center and the wonderful North Market. It's the link to one of the largest universities in the nation.

We need more parking, Mister Mayor. We need parking garages. We will continue to shout this message from the rooftops. It is so obvious! Please see what you can do!

Holy H2O

A few weeks back there was a news item in the press involving the Rev. Leroy Jenkins and bottled holy water Reading about the incident reminded me of a funny story I once heard about the subject.

Seems this sweet little old lady went up to the minister of her church after the service was over and expressed her concern about the supply of holy water.

The minister reassured her that there was no problem, and he didn't foresee one anytime in the future. As he patted her on the back, he said "You see, dear, we just use regular tap water - and then we boil the hell out of it!"

Memory Medley

Joyce Merryman recently reminded me of the time the OSU polo team used to play in the fields that are now mostly parking lots for the University medical Center.

And, now that we're in a reminiscing mood, do you remember Benny Klein who had the steak house near Broad and High? That was sure a popular place. On day at noon, I went in there for lunch and Benny excitedly greeted me at the door with his bone-crushing handshake. "Tommy, come here quick! I want you to meet somebody!"

He tugged me over to the bar, and guess who was sitting there? Sam Shepherd! Yep, no other. And he was with his brand new wife, Adrianne! He had just gotten out of the slammer and flown up to Chicago to marry his pen-pal Adrienne, then back to Columbus. He'd been living for so long on Spring Street, I guess he felt like Columbus was his hometown.

They had made reservations at the one-time Arlington Arms and invited me to join them at the pool later that day. About five o'clock that afternoon, I did. I didn't stick around very long. But, that's another story.

Heartland Home

Heartland Victorian Village just added a renovated wing to their accommodations. The wing features private and semi-private rooms, cable-tv, private telephone, and other amenities.

Heartland is designed to provide intensive rehabilitation services for short- or long- term patients transitioning from hospital to home.

LitBits

I became hooked on the writing of Annie Dillard a long time ago. This comely lass has always wielded a pen as neatly and adroitly as she combed her luxurious golden hair. An accomplished writer of prose and poetry, Annie also has a deep and committed sense of environ-mental justice. Her big book was Pilgrim at Tinker's Creek, a run-away best seller for many years.

One time, I read that she was teaching at a certain college in New England, and I sent her a poem I had written and suggested that she send me one. Damned clever, huh? Well, she sent me a nice postcard, complimented me on my poem, but neglected sending me a poem in return.

Here are a couple of tidbits gleaned from Pilgrim at Tinker's Creek.

"Seems like we're just set down here," a woman said to me recently, "and don't nobody know why."

Time is the continuous loop, the snakeskin with scales endlessly over-lapping without beginning or end, or time is an ascending spiral if you will, like a child's toy slinky.

"... nature is very much a now-you-see-it, now-you-don't affair. A fish flashes, then dissolves in the water before my eyes like so much salt. Deer apparently ascend bodily into heaven; the brightest oriole fades into leaves.

Cabaret Concept

What a sight! Actors, singers, make-up people, musicians, stagehands, book- keepers, writers &endash; everyone connected with Shadowbox Cabaret and its Short North offshoot, 2Co's Cabaret, rolled up their sleeves and pitched in on the landscaping re-do at 790 North High Street.

Conceived by the theatres' founding father, Steve Guyer, the project went like A Cat on a Hot Tin Roof &endash; maybe not counting a blister or two, a little dehydration, a few splinters, some choice cuss words, and a lot of laughter.

Dis 'n' Data

Columbus Eyeworks at Fourth and High sure has an appropriate phone number: 421-2020. How about that! They do great work too, and give you lots of personal and professional attention.

Some sure bets: For live music, go to Skully's or Grandview Café. For cozy conversation and oldie-but-goodies, it's gotta be Zeno's. For a contemporary juke box and lots of eye candy, go to B. Hampton's. Gotta a yen for seafood? Go to R. J. Snapper's. For down home cooking, go to Betty's. For elegance, go to Rigsby's. For a late Friday or Saturday night nightcap or bite to eat, go to Braddock's in North Market. For a great selection of beer and ale, go to the Elevator. To chow down and quaff a few with old friends, go to the Press Grill. To do all the above and also throw darts, go to the Short North Tavern. For serendipity, go to Roadhouse Annie's.

To celebrate the fantastic new mural at Lincoln and High, the Short North Neighborhood Foundation is hosting a cocktail party at R. J. Snapper's on Wednesday August 7, from 5:30 to 7:30 pm. Lots of edibles, cash bar, door prizes, media and fine folk. This is the first of several celebratory events the Foundation will be presenting over the next year. The cost is $35/person.

Did you know that the old Jai Lai Restaurant started out on High Street in the Short North? They had a couple of locations, as a matter of fact, and were considered one of Columbus' top five restaurants. They met their greatest success right across Poplar Street from Functional Furnishings.

Jim Kinney asked Beth Fairman to marry him during the Doo Dah parade. She said, "Yes!" They were both on the "gravy" float. The momentous event happened near Buttles and High.

More "Inside Doo Dah Scoops." Who would have guessed that two women were among all those Marching Fidels. Yep! Hiding behind big bushy beards, cigars, and dark glasses were two lovely young ladies - and we're not going to give them away!

Long-time Tivoli resident Arthur Wilson and his good friend Walter Yensen are moving to Tampa, Florida. Their many friends wish them the best!

Until next time, remember that being anywhere near the I-270 project is surely living on the cutting edge.

(From the July 2002 issue)

Spooky Skies

I love to look up at the sky. I do it all the time. If people think I'm crazy, that's their tough luck. Sometimes, I just stand around and gawk at what's going on up there, and you'd be surprised at all the action, and the beauty, there is right over your head.

The sky is my ocean, and like a seascape, it is always changing. I love little puffy clouds. I love clouds that look like elephants holding onto each other's tails. Or puppy dogs, or fish, or flying birds. Or whales and dolphins and gaggling geese. I've seen them all up there and even captured some on film.

For sheer suspense, there's nothing like watching the great thunderheads

of summer rumbling and rolling around. It's Wagnerian drama with tremendous timpani and surreal stage-lighting. Even more exciting might be squall lines, fast and furious, approaching with the speed of an OSU running back with a Michigan tackler on his heels.

The ancients looked to the sky for omens. While I'm not inclined to be superstitious or to believe in the super-natural, I have seen some weird things going on up there in the sky. Way back, after the tornados over in Xenia, a lot of those same storm clouds passed over Columbus. I aimed my camera up at the sky, and you wouldn't believe what appeared after I had the pictures developed.

One of them revealed an evil-looking goatish face that was the image of Satan himself. Another showed a bewildered-looking bearded gent who was the spitting image of Jehovah. It's as if the two of them were up there duking it out. I thought about sending them to one of the scandal tabloids, but then thought better of it. Boy oh boy, even they would have thought I was a nutcase.

One other thing: Just because I knock on wood after I brag, doesn't mean I'm superstitious. Or the fact that I always put my right shoe on first - darned if I know where that one came from!

Grand Plans

It won't be long before a string of graceful arches, aglow with a multitude of lights, span High Street from the Convention Center to Fifth Avenue. It will be something to write home about.

And, that's not all, folks. Short North developers are planning a number of ambitious projects. At least half a dozen new buildings are slated to go up in the next two or three years, including a five-story, 80-room luxury hotel.

Other buildings will result in as many as 130 new apartments and condos, plus a variety of street-level retail shops. This flurry of housing and browsing will occur mostly on the west side of High Street and will consist of renovating and adding onto existing buildings. The Victorian Village Commission is in the process of reviewing final plans.

The two largest projects will be a 69,000-square-foot building on the site of the old Sofa Express store at 845 North High Street, and the luxury hotel, which the Beck Street Capital plans to construct at 701 - 709 North High Street.

In addition to all that, Tim Wagner, Director of the Short North Special Improvement District, has announced that as many as twenty "pocket parks" will be spotted along High Street between the Convention Center and Fifth Avenue, so maybe some critters and birds will be given a new scenic home too.

Salads & Silver

Celestial Awakenings, which recently opened at 972 N. High, is having a good old-fashioned Farmer's Market, Satur-day, July 6 and Sunday, July 7 from 10 am to 4 pm. All the produce is from Ohio and is organically grown. Owner Michele Hutchinson offers a variety of healing products and services at her new shop, including bodywork, aromatherapy, and holistic remedies. Call Michele at 348-5570 for more information.

Byzantium, 1088 N. High, is featuring a Silver Bead Trunk Show Friday thru Sunday, July 12 - 14, from noon to 7 pm (6 pm on Sunday). On hand will be over 500 styles of loose sterling silver beads and findings, including fancy clasps with gemstones, and lots more. Call 291-3130 for more accurate information than I can possibly provide. I don't even know what "findings" are. Duh.

Lit Bits

It might have been the combination of hot sultry weather and all the rain we had the first part of June, but the catalpa trees thrived on it. They are just about the last of all our native trees to bloom, and this past June they bloomed and bloomed and bloomed. I've never seen such profusion of blossoms. It's as if they were adorned with popcorn balls, and I couldn't help but think of A.E. Housman's great little poem about cherry trees in bloom.

Loveliest of trees, the cherry now

Is hung with bloom along its bough,

And stands about the woodland ride

Wearing white for Eastertide.

Now, of my threescore years and ten,

Twenty will not come again,

And take from seventy springs a score,

It only leaves me fifty more.

And since to look at things in bloom

Fifty springs are little room.

About the woodland I will go

To see the cherry hung with snow.

(

Lanning Lament

What can you say when you lose a stellar attraction like the Lanning Gallery? And a bright star like Ursula Lanning? For seven years, Ursula (along with adorable Nell, her popular feline friend) provided the Short North with an outstanding art gallery along High Street that welcomed one talented artist after another. And, she did this with style and integrity. Fortunately, Ursula's not going away entirely. She will be doing some counseling and will also continue to schedule the art exhibits at Lemongrass.

Groovy Gothic

With that hurt, surly look on her face it was clear from the very start that the woman in Grant Wood's American Gothic was unhappy with her lot in life. It is the farmer's unmarried daughter, by the way, not his wife. Now, with the unveiling of artists Steve Galgas' and Michael Altman's version of this classic painting as a 15-foot-high mural just off High Street on Lincoln, we can be sure of the woman's discontent. She is standing on her head!

Obviously unhappy with the never-ending toil heaped on her by her stoical and pious father, this gal has plunked herself down in the middle of the Short North &endash; and, you heard me right, she's standing on her head! This is a protest that's hard to ignore. After all those years back on the farm, then being on public display for decades more, this lil ol' gal has become unglued and refuses to take any more macho crap. A prisoner of the prairie for many years, now she is having a fling - in this case, standing on her head in the middle of the Short North. Go take a look, be sure to give her a wink and tell her what pretty blue eyes she has. She might even smile.

Dis 'n' Data

Congrats to Richard Stopper, owner of R.J. Snapper's, for being named Independent Operator of the Year by the Central Ohio Restaurant Association.

Hubbard Elementary School was approved recently for a Neighborhood Partnership Program grant by the Columbus Foundation. A new play-ground is in the offing!

Braddock's, on the mezzanine at the North Market, has some Friday and Saturday hours for night owls. On those nights, the kitchen stays open from 10:00 pm to 3:30 am. Not only that, they have a nice bar for more late-night fun .

Michele Mooney, Director of Marketing at the North Market will be doing a bit more shopping of her own at the Market down the road, what with another mouth to feed after the recent birth of her son, James-David Burke Mooney - what a name! Measuring 21 inches long, JD weighed 8 pounds 10 "ouches" and miraculously entered this world on Sunday, June 9. Congratulations, Michele!

The Columbus Chippers Wood- carving Club will be exhibiting their creations July 13 and 14 at the Aladdin Shrine Center, 3850 Stelzer Road. Show hours are 10 am to 5 pm on Saturday, and 11 am to 4 pm on Sunday.

Talk on the street has it that Caren Petersen, owner/director of A Muse Gallery might be contemplating a second gallery - in the former Lanning space.

Wonder what ever happened to Danny Firestone? He owned a big photo studio and processing plant downtown on Third Street. And, I'm still waiting for some word on what happened to my pal John Poepplemeyer.

Trying to drink more water these days. They say it's good for darn near everything that ails you. Trouble is, I can never get up to that recommended dose of eight glasses a day!

Last month when I was critiquing the white page phone disgrace, what with all the type too small to read, I forgot to mention that the pages are so thin they would never have passed the good old-fashioned outhouse test.

Until next time, remember there's no sense being pessimistic. It probably doesn't pay off anyway. p

(From the June 2002 Issue)

Peewee Print

Talk about cheap! The current Ameritech White Page Directory doesn't even deserve the name "directory." The type is so small it's just a blur. It's so small a midget couldn't read it. What a travesty and disservice to their customers, especially in this era with growing numbers of senior citizens tottering around. We had a tough enough time reading the phone numbers in the old directories. We wanted the type BIGGER, not smaller. You bird brains!

Picture this for a worst-case scenario: Someone who doesn't have the eyes of an eagle (or a high-powered magnifying glass) is trying desperately to find a phone number. It's a matter of life and death. There they are struggling to focus in on a sea of gray lines of tiny type, names and numbers cheek to jowl, unable to decipher a zero from a six, a one from a seven, or a two from a toadstool!

What were you goofus-heads thinking of? How can you cheapskates maintain your credibility with such a crumby publishing job? The other day I saw a ten-year-old with the sharpest of vision, screw up her face, squint her eyes, and go YUK! That says it all. One final word: If you guys want small, how about small phone line charges? How about small (and honest) long distance charges? How about small service charges? There are some things in this world that are OK small, but the type in the phone book is not one of them! Start taking Viagara! Maybe that will help you think BIG!

Project Plans

Jeffrey Place, an ambitious project on the eastern edge of Italian Village is still very much in the works. The area is bounded by N. Fourth Street, I-670, East First Avenue and the railroad tracks.

The project will include single family homes, townhouses, lofts, senior housing facilities, a school, offices, pocket parks, some shops and, maybe, a hotel. For more information, go to jeffreyplace.com

Columnist Catch

After fishing around for a while, we've caught a new columnist. And boy what a catch! A veteran journalist, Betty Garrett Deeds boasts a long and distinguished career. She began work at the Columbus Citizen-Journal in 1966 and had already signed on as a correspondent for the New York Times national desk when she left the C-J in 1973, continuing with the Times until 1979.

Betty also served as Contributing Editor of Columbus Monthly and as Senior Editor of Ohio Magazine. Over the years, she has contributed to maga-zines as diverse as Appalachia and Art News, McCall's and Working Mother. Among her other journalistic accomplish-ments is a volume of Columbus history called Columbus: America's Crossroads published in 1980.

Betty's column, "Sic Transit Every-thing" can be found on page 19. She refers to the expression as a "verbal shrug." Looking up the translation for Sic transit gloria mundi many years ago, Betty recalls chuckling to herself while reading "Thus passes away the glory of this world" and thinking, "Well, doesn't everything?"

Hopefully, Betty will be pondering this fatalistic phrase for many years to come!

Sexuality Study

In June, St. Mark Lutheran Church, 95 W. Fifth Avenue in Victorian Village, begins a month-long exploration of issues regarding same-sex unions and the practice of ordaining gay and lesbian pastors.

The congregation will host Dr. James M. Childs Jr., Professor of Theology and Ethics and Director of Academic Development at Trinity Lutheran Semi-nary in Bexley, on Sunday June 2 at St. Mark Lutheran Church, to learn about his position as Director of the new Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA) study on sexuality.

Last year, a Churchwide Assembly governing the ELCA mandated that there be a study document developed by 2005, complete with proposals for action regarding policies on same-sex unions and the ordination of gay and lesbian pastors.

The congregation of St. Mark invites the community to attend any worship or discussion session throughout the month of June. Worship begins at 9:30 am on Sundays at the Church, located at Fifth and Dennison in Victorian Village. Discussions will be held following worship, at about 10:45 am.

St. Mark Lutheran Church is a "Reconciling in Christ" congregation, which specifically affirms and welcomes gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered individuals into the full life of their congregation. For more information, call 299-2514 or 352-4660.

Lit Bits

One time I asked Woody Hayes if he had ever read Hell in a Very Small Place, by Bernard Fall. "Read it?" he snorted. "Tommy, I practically know it by heart. Not only that," he grinned, "I've probably bought a dozen copies and given 'em away."

The book we were talking about is about the siege of the French stronghold at Dien Bien Phu in what was then North Vietnam. The Viet rebels were called the Viet Minh; and under the leadership of General Giap, they overcame the French bastion which, it turned out, led to their withdrawal from the entire country.

"One of the best war books ever written," Woody added.

Dragonfly Dates

Dragonfly neo-v Cuisine, 247 King Avenue, has a new patio for sidewalk dining and relaxation. Enjoy elegance in the fresh air. Also check out their bargain beverage prices every Tuesday and Wednesday evening. How about $3 for frozen cocktails! Plus tapas-style appetizers. Visit their Web site at www.dragonflyneov.com.

Film Flam

Went to see Hollywood Ending at the Drexel Grand recently. The film stars Woody Allen with an accompanying cast of George Hamilton, Erica Leerhsen, and others. What could have been a humorous and sensitive movie gets out of control with a heavy-handed plotline that stretches credulity to the limit. Briefly, an aging director gets a second chance to direct a film and goes psychosomatically blind in the process. But, with a couple of co-conspirators, he bluffs his way through. Missed the boat on this one.

Summer Stuff

Here are some upcoming dates to remember: Gallery Hops on June 1, July 6, August 3, and September 7. Always on the first Saturday of the month. Lots of art, street performers and musicians, impromptu vendors, great food, sociable bars, something for everybody. And as SNBA spokesperson Mary Martineau says, "People-watching at its best!"

The Victorian Village Yard Sale is June 1 from 9 am to 3 pm. It's like a treasure hunt!

Comfest is June 28 &endash; 30. This is a free festival featuring lots of music, food, things to buy, and interesting people.

Gay Pride Weekend is June 28 &endash; 30. The Annual Parade and lots of other activities. Call 299-7764 for details.

DooDah Parade. July 4, noon to about an hour later. Rain date: July 3. Come enjoy the Alice in Wonderland insanity and inanity of this one-of-a-kind Robin Williams kind of event. Most of our founding fathers, those not too tight in their britches, would have loved this true showing of democratic spirit. Yea Ben Franklin! Yea Thomas Jefferson! Yea Tom Paine!

Garden Gathering

Spend a sensational evening sipping wine and munching hors-d'oeuvres in the Russell Page Sculpture Garden at the Columbus Museum of Art on Thursday, June 27, from 5:30 to 8:30 pm. Music will be by Dave Bott. There will also be a silent auction. Guests can view the famous Grandma Moses exhibit. Reservations are only $35 per person. Call Sharon Zook at 451.1744, or the giftshop at 629.0314.

Dis 'n' Data

You just never know who you're going to run into. Mike Kast, the genial owner of the cheese shop at North Market, recently waited on Johnny Mathias. And, upstairs at Braddock's, who else should show up but Kathleen Turner!

The Press Grill, 741 North High Street, has new owners and is now up and running. Lori and Kevin Ames sold the establishment to a partnership of Ron Crisswell, Tom Magelaner, Molly Merkle, and the husband and wife team of Randy and Tina Corbin. The

Corbins also own the Club 185 in German Village. For more facts, call 298-0869.

Dick Stevens' Elevator Brewers and Draught Haus is featuring live jazz by the Joe Crump Quartet Monday nights from 9 pm to the witching hour.

Betcha didn't know that way back in the early days, everybody shared the same tub of hot water for bathing &endash; and that wasn't too often. It was men first, then women and, finally, children. By that time the water was apt to be so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the expression, "Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater."

My reality check just bounced so I gotta go. See you next time.

(From the May 2002 Issue)

Mantis Mania

This is the time of year that the praying mantis tribes are up and about. There are some twenty native species plus a European and a Chinese variety that were introduced into this country after the 1900s. They are fairly common, even frequenting our backyards on occasion, and are easily recognizable by their large size (four or five inches long), green coloration, and spiny, angular appearance.

The mantises are voracious predators, feeding mostly on other insects, but sometimes with decided cannibalistic tendencies. I'll never forget the morning that I was leading one of my CAP classes down at Stage's Pond when we encountered a spindly mantis that was greedily devouring a thick meaty locust as if it were a succulent roast. A half hour later, retracing our steps along the trail, the mantis was still chompin' away.

They say that the mantis is the only insect that can look over its shoulder. Well, I'll tell you this; they can do a lot more than that. While the male and female are copulating (that's the f-word in scientific circles), the female not only looks over her shoulder, but she starts nibbling her husband's head off. If left undisturbed, she continues right down to his thorax (chest), into his abdomen, and lower. The poor sap doesn't seem to notice what's happening to him because his sexual organ is still pumping away!

Does this behavior remind you of anybody you know?

Film Fare

Recently looked at The Horse Whisperer, starring Robert Redford and Kristin Scott Thomas. A good movie. Damned good, even though it's a bit long at 169 minutes. And, not to be picky, but with that big mop of blond hair Reford seemed to be hanging on to his youth for dear life. But, as I said, a good movie with a lot of life-lessons to be learned, not to speak of some wonderful scenery. Great acting by Pilgrim, the horse.

For the Birds

Over 500 birdhouses designed and decorated by local artists, celebrities, business owners and children of St. Joseph Montessori School will be on display and for sale the first weekend in May at 30 West Warren Street. The event will begin with a preview party on Friday, May 3, from 6 to 11 pm with hors d' oeuvres provided by Hoggy's and music by the Joe Crum Quintet. Tickets are $35 and can be purchased by calling 291-8601.

On Saturday, May 4, "For the Birds" will be open to the public from 10 am to 10 pm. Admission is free. Ann Dierker and Ann Kozliner, Co-chairs of the event, hope that individuals will stop by during the Short North Gallery Hop.

Celebrities Andrea Cambern, Dave Kaylor, Cabot Ray, Joe Blundo, Sally Crane, Mayor Michael Coleman, Greg Lashutka and Cameron Mitchell will decorate birdhouses.

Artists will be crafting their birdhouses into unique designs. The well-known artists include Denny Griffith, Roger Williams, Paul Robinette, Mac Worthington, Duff Lindsay, Paul Richmond, Marci Russell and Mary Kile

Several galleries are decorating bird-houses. They include Acme Art, Antiques & Art on Poplar, Art Impressions, Artistically Bent, Art & Home, Blue Cube Arts, 772 Cameo, Galeria Zona Corazon, Gallery V, Global Gallery, Lanning Gallery, Ohio Art League, PM Gallery, Raffensberger Gallery, Rebecca Ibel Gallery, Riley Galleries and ROY G BIV Gallery.

Proceeds from the birdhouse sales will benefit St. Joseph Montessori School located on Hamlet Street in the Short North. St. Joseph's was established in 1968 and offers a classic Montessori program for children, beginning at age 3 and continuing through the 8th grade.

The Montessori approach is an overall program of growth and development and the work of each child is determined on an individual basis, thus enabling the child to become a confident, competent person. in his or her approach to life and learning. St. Joseph's does not screen for academic excellence, provides a substantial amount of tuition assistance and is open to children of all faiths and beliefs.

Ink Stink

Every time I'm working on my taxes and sorting through hundreds of receipts, it becomes apparent there must be a serious ink shortage in this country. At least, this seems to be true judging from the cash receipts that I accumulate for the purpose of business deductions. The printing on half of them is barely discernable, and there's always some that are impossible to read. Come on, you big corporate chains, this is America, the bountiful land of money and honey. You'd sure think computer and office supply stores, especially, would be on their toes about this. But no, they're among the worst offenders. Shame on you guys!

Lit Bits

A new book by A. J. Drew of Salem West has just been published. Its provocative title is: Wicca Spellcraft for Men. In its pages you will discover the difference between male energy and female energy. He explains the principles of spellcraft and includes numerous recipes for incense and oils &endash; and how to increase their effectiveness.

Digging around one of my bookcases, I recently came across an old friend: The Rub